The Double-Edged Sword of Desirability

In today’s society, there are many ways to connect with others in the online world, but nothing in a text can make up for the natural desire humans have for someone they find desirable. It doesn’t have to be sexual desirability. Someone can find something desirable about a quirk in another person’s personality, their work ethic, or overall ability in any task, ideas, or appearance. Desirability can often lead to a more positive and enriching existence normally. Unfortunately, no one tends to speak of the many pitfalls that someone who has any desirable qualities may have. When one often desires someone, they never tend to desire the whole person. They mostly desire some arbitrary trait about that individual like their physical appearance, mannerisms, the car they drive, or some other aspect of this person that may or may not be superficial.

In my personal experience, there have been many occasions (many of which that can be attributed to me being a lone wolf/introvert) where I would rather just be invisible than to attract attention. When you walk across the street and someone asks you for money or otherwise likes to waste your time by rambling on about nonsensical issues or topics you have no interest in, you tend to wish they never saw you. I’ve had several occasions where people simply liked to waste my time. I almost (I stress the word almost) know what it’s like to be an attractive woman when some guy who I never met before wants to simply talk about nothing to me. People may think it’s rude to not want to engage in conversation with your fellow man, but the lack of general safety these days and the fact that I live in an area that isn’t known for its kind, warm-hearted people tend to leave an air of distrust with others. I nor anyone can simply be bothered to have their time wasted by someone who can easily try to rob you. That is simply a chance few wish to take. Women know this well as do many men who have something most people want.

Another aspect of the double-edged sword of being desirable no one wishes to discuss for fear of being seen as vain is the fact that the vast majority of the time you are approached by another individual, no matter how much of a nice person they are, you have no desire for them. I’ve been hit on by several gay men as well as many women who I’ve had no interest in. The vast majority of average women are most likely hit on by several below average looking men on a regular basis. It does sometimes break my heart to be the one doing the rejecting because there’s rarely a nice way to do it. I also know the sting of rejection well, so there is some measure of sympathy. What I’ve also discovered a long time ago is that the easier you try to let someone down, the harder it is for them to let go and move on. If you really want them to go away, you have to be brutally honest. Unfortunately, many women feel they can never do that in the presence of men due to the fact that a few men can be dangerously obsessive individuals who will cause them harm if they are rejected. I know this is true when I used to smoke. People would ask me for a cigarette and it feels rude to simply say no to them. You have to lie to them and tell the individual that you don’t have another one so they don’t react harshly. It’s usually the same principle with money. If you tell someone you simply don’t want anything to do with them, you are the one perceived as an asshole despite them taking up time in your day. One also has to think about the fact that they don’t know what it costs you to get what you have. This should be the next area of focus.

When discussing the role of the person who is desirable or has desirable traits, one is often generating an audience of followers. The reason there are followers is that there are those who were born to be leaders in either group or simply take charge of their own existence. You don’t even have to be a group minded person in order to attract followers. I often have the air of not being interested in the rest of the world and that attracts others to me for various reasons. I tend to regularly exercise which has attracted women, and in some cases, men. I often keep to myself even around attractive women, which in turn has attracted many women most guys want to date to me even if it was just out of curiosity. The problem with gaining a following is that many of those who follow you actually could care less what you’ve been through to attain what you have whether it be a great body, are a talented artist, writer, fighter, or any other talent. All they care about is the results. They don’t see you in the gym every day struggling to lift that extra five pounds on your worst day. They don’t see the late nights and early mornings you invest in your blog, your job, or your ability to pass exams with higher grades. They only see results and believe you simply woke up with them. What the average person sees when they see someone with something greater than them is a reflection of what they wish they could become but are ultimately unable to do. In most cases, this is due to their own laziness, which also creates jealousy. This, in turn, creates enemies. The better you try to make yourself, the more enemies you will gain in life due to the fact that they see in you something they can never become.

With that said, the next time you see someone who seems to have it all, you may want to consider their struggles to attain what they have. You may want to respect someone’s space. If you wish to approach someone with a desirable quality, ensure that you have something of value to offer them, even if it is your unconditional time and friendship. You can also try to learn from this person how to obtain what they have for yourself. Being desired can be a daunting task that leads to many failures one will continue to endure on this solitary pathway known as life. Believe me when I say it takes many failures to become someone of value to the world and to oneself. With that, I hope that you find your way through the solitary pathway known as life and find what is desirable within before approaching someone who has traits you desire.


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